Hormones oh hormones, don’t worry I will not blame you this time. I have many pending blogs in my draft but thing is I just start few lines but can’t seem to compose and finish everything.
Few days ago, some things were juggling in around my mind and heart. In short and long sentences, I’m emotionally down (again!) but not the max. I don’t want to fret over my love life (kuno). I am hurt but I don’t want to plunge into emotional outburst at this time because this can only ruin my mood and my being “me”. I will just leave everything to God. He knows better than me. I also don’t want to cry over mama’s condition. Even how hard I tried to tell and assures myself that it’s going to be ok. That I have accepted or I can accept if ever something happens to Mama sooner or later but those were just words and nothing but words as I still feel pain and cries every now and then if I think about losing her.
When I woke up early this morning at around 3:30 a.m., I wanted to join the dawn rosary at Carmelites Monastery at 4:00 a.m. but my daughter was sleeping tight with matching cute snores in between. I did not woke her up then because this is the time she can recover from lack of sleep as she wakes up at 3:30 a.m. everyday for school.
Woke up at around 9 a.m. and was feeling self-pity. Hmmmm don’t want to feel this way. I want to make my day happy and positive despite all these trials. Lots of things to do were running at the back of my mind. Facial, body massage, foot reflex, belly dancing in the afternoon, do laundry, watch movie, eat pizza, etc, etc, etc.
I then decided to do laundry using my precious hands and not the washing machine – hand washing is best. I asked my daughter to help me with the laundry with her school uniform. It’s also a great bonding time and I was able to talk some things with her while washing our clothes. I then told her, we will watch 3D movie later at SM. She got excited. I have only 2 weeks more to go before I go back to Saudi Arabia and she wanted to have more time with me. Same here, I wanted to have more time with them. We might watch Transformers or Green Lantern, it depends on her preference later.
So many things to consider when you are emotionally down. Before, when I feel this way, I just cry at the corner of my room and emote to the max. Feeling self-pity and asking so many why’s in the world without a single reply. Now, I can say I have grown a little mature I guess from all the trials I have gone through. I am not saying I will not cry because crying is good also in relieving kept emotions. But at least I can divert and replace my negative emotions to something that can elevate my hormones to a positive and happy attitude.
Positive attitude is a little thing that makes a difference.